Hollywood offered up its traditional sludge - a dire video-game adaptation (Uncharted), a terrible remake (Firestarter), a cash-grab franchise low (Jurassic World Dominion), and an MCU nadir (Doctor Strange and The Multiverse of Madness). The ongoing descent of Mel Gibson into B-movie hell plummeted alarmingly with the unforgivably stupid On The Line.
Beyond Hollywood…same stink, different s**t. The Phantom of the Open proved that there’s a razor’s edge between ‘Mark Rylance Great Actor’ and ‘Mark Rylance Shameless Ham’ (the jury is split on his odd turn in Bones and All). All Jacked Up and Full of Worms, despite the year’s best title, was a putrid, shock-for-shock-sake cult wannabe that became the film that hipsters mentioned to seem cool. Australia had one of those films, too - the teen-trauma misery-porn of Blaze, art-directed with no eye for storytelling by gallery darling Del Kathryn Barton.
But it fell to the streaming platforms to find me the five that had me truly gagging on my movie-viewing in 2022:
5. THE MAN FROM TORONTO (Dir: Patrick Hughes | Stars: Kevin Hart, Woody Harrelson, Ellen Barkin | U.S. | 110 mins) Jason Statham dropped out over script issues (wait…WHAT?!) and Woody Harrelson was shoe-horned into the kind of overproduced, underdone buddy comedy/star vehicle that is crippling Netflix’s credibility with viewers. (Netflix)
4. PINOCCHIO (Dir: Robert Zemeckis | Stars: Tom Hanks, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt (voice), Cynthia Erivo (voice) | U.S. | 105 mins) Has any filmmaker fallen so far in audience esteem as Robert Zemeckis? The latest bold, red line under his name was this treacherous Disney exploitation of one of their most beloved cartoon characters. (Disney+)
3. BIG BUG (Dir: Jean-Pierre Jeunet | Stars: Isabelle Nanty, Elsa Zylberstein, Claude Perron | France | 111 mins) Pitched as some kind of farcical social satire, this typically ‘European’ but atypically awful sci-fi vision of a dystopic near-future repped a lowpoint for the once great French visualist. (Netflix)
2. POKER FACE (Dir: Russell Crowe | Stars: Russell Crowe, Steve Bastoni, Liam Hemsworth | Australia | 94 mins) There’s ‘vanity project’ and then there’s Poker Face, in which Russell Crowe paints himself as a ‘secret angel’ benefactor for his already well-off mates and unfaithful family members. This guy has an Oscar, yet exhibits no discernable storytelling skill in a single frame of this streaming pile of s**t. (Stan)
1. THE BUBBLE (Dir: Judd Apatow | Stars: Karen Gillan, David Duchovny, Keegan-Michael Key | U.S. | 126 mins) I actually admire that they tried to pull off a COVID lockdown comedy while in their own production ‘bubble’. But it feels like an improvised sketch run amok, with no one providing any ‘in-points’ for the group to react with; not a single scene offers a laugh - topical, nonsensical, satirical, whatever. It’s 126 minutes (!!) of talented people hoping someone else will do something funny. They don’t. (Netflix)
So I come to my annual Best of... duties in a bit of a daze. 2020 was the year when the movie business, in the words of George Costanza, “took a bit of a tumble”. Productions ground to a halt; distribution schedules were reshuffled, then abandoned; cinemas closed their doors, some of them permanently. With the global population housebound, streaming services boomed, to such an extent that Warner Bros., one of the iconic names associated with ‘Old Hollywood’, shared their entire post-Christmas slate with their digital platform HBO Max, changing the traditional theatrical window forever. It’s been a helluva year.
It wasn’t all dire times. A dedicated team helped me launch the Sydney Science Fiction Film Festival, a ‘roll of the dice’ venture which worked out pretty damn good. And seeking out the best small-screen programming redefined the big-screen bent of our yearly list, with nearly half coming via the Amazon/Shudder/Netflix/Disney+ combo.
I’ve always said, “Everyone’s entitled to my opinion”, but I’m open to yours (that's not entirely true), so let me know if I’ve missed anything. Please seek out some of these lesser-known films. Thanks for your continued support, and stay healthy...
2020 FILMS IN GENERAL RELEASE (THEATRICAL/STREAMING):
1. DAVID BYRNE’S AMERICAN UTOPIA (Dir: Spike Lee; USA; 105 mins) In adapting the Broadway show (remember those?) borne of the brilliant mind of the Talking Head’s frontman, Spike Lee found heartfelt joy and a purity of spirit that all but washes away the stink that has settled on America over the last few years. Byrne’s observations of humanity and society, in a version of song and dance that taps into childlike glee and aged melancholy in equal measure, make him a profoundly important contemporary commentator. Thirty-plus years ago, Byrne fronted arguably the greatest concert film of all time; in 2020, he did it again.
2.THE VAST OF NIGHT (Dir: Andrew Patterson; USA; 91 mins) 3. THE TROUBLE WITH BEING BORN (Dir: Sandra Wollner; Austria, Germany; 94 mins) 4. BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM (Dir: Jason Woliner; UK, USA; 95 mins) 5. THE ASSISTANT (Dir: Kitty Green; USA; 87 mins) 6. LET HIM GO (Dir: Thomas Bezucha; USA; 103 mins) 7. HIS HOUSE (Dir: Remi Weekes; UK; 93 mins) 8. MIGNONNES (Cuties | Dir: Maïmouna Doucouré; France; 96 mins) 9. NOMADLAND (Dir: Chloe Zhao; USA; 108 mins) 10. ATHLETE A (Dirs: Bonni Cohen, Jon Shenk; USA; 103 mins) The Next Best Ten: MISS JUNETEENTH; RELIC; DICK JOHNSON IS DEAD; HOST; ANOTHER ROUND; BECKY; MULAN; BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC; LAST AND FIRST MEN; UNDERWATER.
2020 FILMS VIEWED AT FESTIVALS (AWAITING RELEASE IN AUSTRALIA):
1. ONE NIGHT IN MIAMI (Dir: Regina King; USA; 110 mins) Oscar-winning actress Regina King proves herself Hollywood’s most potent new multi-hyphenate as director of this stirring adaptation of Kemp Powers play. Capturing a fictional moment in time when American icons Muhammad Ali, Malcolm X, Sam Cooke and Jim Brown meet in motel room in the ‘60s and consider their roles in the nation’s social upheaval, One Night in Miami is actor’s showpiece, a wordsmith’s masterwork, an editor’s triumph – all under the baton of a filmmaker fully invested in the heart and soul of the source material. Will be going wide in 2021 and certain to feature come Oscar time in April; got a peek thanks to TIFF.
2.THE FABRICATED (Dir: Ali Katmiri; Iran; 30 mins) 3. SHADOW IN THE CLOUD (Dir: Roseanne Liang; New Zealand, USA; 83 mins) 4. PIECES OF A WOMAN (Dir: Kornél Mundruczó; Canada, Hungary, USA; 126 mins) 5. BUIO (Darkness | Dir: Emanuela Rossi; Italy; 96 mins) 6. L’OISEAU DE PARADIS (Paradise | Dir: Paul Manaté; France, French Polynesia; 90 mins) 7. BREEDER (Dir: Jens Dahl; Denmark; 107 mins) 8. NADIA, BUTTERFLY (Dir: Pascal Plante; Canada; 107 mins) 9. LA REINA DE LOS LAGARTOS (The Queen of The Lizards | Dirs: Juan González, Nando Martínez; Spain; 63 mins) 10. CINEMATOGRAPHER (Dir: Dan Asma; USA; 83 mins) The Next Best Ten: VICIOUS FUN; SHIFTER; GAGARINE; WILLIE, JAMALEY & THE CACACOON; COME TRUE; FRIED BARRY; THE GO-GO’S.
THE WORST FILMS OF 2020:
Living the shut-in life meant I dodged the worst that global cinema had to offer, but I couldn’t always help myself. Just so I could wade into the echo chamber of abuse, I watched Ron Howard’s Hillbilly Elegy (who did anybody think it would appeal to?); Australia’s favourite son Paul Hogan (circa 1978-1989) signed off on his film career with the miserable The Very Excellent Mr Dundee; and, Robert Downey Jr.’s accent alone was enough to skewer Dolittle, a hideous reimagining of the classic story (is it though?). But the year’s worst was a franchise-starter wannabe that Disney began adapting from Eoin Colfer’s blockbuster Y.A. books a decade ago, hoping it would fill the box office void left by Harry Potter’s maturing. Instead, director Kenneth Branagh’s ARTEMIS FOWL floundered in expensive post-production hell before being dumped to the Disney Plus channel, fuelling early concerns that streaming platforms would become clogged with studio deadweight. Judi Dench (pictured, above, dignity intact) should give her Oscar back; Branagh, Disney and everyone involved owe the legion of Artemis adorers an apology for running so afoul of their beloved boy hero.
More often than is really fair, film critics are taunted with, “Oh, you’re just looking for things to hate.” Nothing could be further from the truth; we do what we do because we desperately want to love everything we see. We enter every screening passionately hoping to bestow 5-star praise upon that which hides behind the big curtain. It takes a lot of hard work to hack away at the enthusiasm we have for cinema, leaving us gutted with disappointment, stunned into critical disbelief. In 2016, no films worked harder to that end than this lot…
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS and ZOOLANDER 2 The puddle-deep world of high fashion is usually ridiculous enough to offer its own form of self-parody without shitty cinema adding to the spectacle. In 2016, two rehashed properties well past their primes tried to recapture whatever made them interesting a decade or so ago, but fell embarrassingly short. The Ab Fab movie was an interminable slog, foregoing the London-set Patsy/Edina dynamic of the largely plotless TV series in favour of a stupid Euro-narrative; big mistake. Zoolander 2 decided to mimic the first instalment except louder and bigger, to absolutely dire consequences. Is Ben Stiller’s future as a small-screen star now inevitable? These films represent about 200 minutes of completely laugh-free ‘comedy’. (Editor’s note: Zoolander 2 is our official ‘Worst Film of 2016’).
THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR The desperation on everyone’s part to see their bad decisions through to the end infests every frame of this unwanted sequel. Unlike the sleeper hit original, which boasted beautiful production design and committed performances, this expensive follow-up looks low-rent, misses Kristen Stewart’s darker charms and fails to establish any dramatic conflict between the overpaid, under-performing trio of Chris Hemsworth, Emily Blunt and Charlize Theron.
MOTHER’S DAY Respectfully, it had been a long while since the late director Garry Marshall made a good film. But it was a cruel twist of fate that Mother’s Day was his swansong. Every obituary referenced this horribly twee, schmaltzy, shrill bore in the same breath as his gems Pretty Woman, Frankie and Johnny and The Flamingo Kid. The cast were uniformly terrible, none more so than Julia Roberts as the wig-wearing TV host. Every dramatic beat was fake and forced; every joke, bad sitcom-standard. The 'Hidden Homosexuality' subplot was demeaning and insulting on just about every level. What were they thinking...? (Editor's note: No wait...maybe this was the year's worst film?)
COCONUT HERO The ‘Sundance film’ hit its nadir this year with Florian Cossen’s pulse-free accidental piss-take of the ‘Sundance film’. A typically maudlin teen outsider ‘hero’ (soulless sap Alex Ozerov) mumbles through the small-Americana setting, hoping his pixie dream girl (the film’s bright spot, Bea Santos) can liven things up. The mopey, millennial disconnect that this film indulges in makes for insufferably self-conscious drama; by the time the smirking leads eulogize a dying animal with an impromptu ukulele hymn, I was ready to damn their entire generation.
DESPITE THE NIGHT Phillippe Grandrieux has his supporters (Locarno, SITGES and Venice have all honoured his past works), but there is no defending his sordid, contentiously misogynistic look inside this nonsensically cinematic version of black-hearted porn industry melodrama. If you’re so inclined, you might get a thrill out of the frank depiction of erections, blow jobs, torture and murder, but 156 minutes of this stuff, shot with a stomach-churning shaky-cam, spot-lighting obsessed style, is insufferable. With all due respect, the standard of acting is what you might expect from the porn genre.
BEN-HUR The studio tried to spin this as not being a remake of the Charlton Heston classic but a throwback to the source novel. It failed spectacularly, on either front; from the casting of the anaemic, whiny Danny Huston as Benny, to the heavy-handed and muddled religious message, to the cringe-worthy effects, this is the grand, grotesque folly of 2016. By the time the adversaries saddled up for the obligatory chariot race (really the only reason this film exists, let’s face it), not a single audience member gave a damn. Even the burgeoning faith-based audience smelt a cynical cash-grab of biblical proportions, ignoring the film and condemning it to wallow in red-ink for immortality. (Editor's note: Oh, yeah, this is definitely the worse!)
CAROL I know I’m rowing this boat alone; the overwhelmingly positive response to Todd Haynes’ drama (94% on RT) was backed by AMPAS, who bestowed upon it six Oscar nominations. But there was a nagging, obtrusive disconnect between Haynes’ overtly stylized 50s New York society and the heartfelt warmth of Rooney Mara’s blossoming wallflower. In so blatantly drawing upon the works of Douglas Sirk, Haynes was revealed to be no Douglas Sirk at all (despite his 2002 Sirk-a-thon, Far From Heaven, which is an immeasurably better film). And then there is Cate Blanchett’s unforgivably theatrical performance, brought to life with such technical precision as to rob her scenes of any life. My mounting frustration with Carol was brought into focus when Bret Easton Ellis dissed the film in his podcast, calling it no more than the director “moving his little lesbian Barbie dolls around.”
CAPTAIN FANTASTIC Can anyone explain that ending to me? (Spoilers ahead) If it was literal, it required such a huge leap of audience faith in the narrative as to be ridiculous; if it was all happening in the protagonist's head, it meant the establishment had won and the spirit of the film was all for nought. It was the biggest bummer of the 2016 movie roster, shafting moviegoers' emotional involvement and sticking it to Viggo Mortensen’s free-spirited anti-hero. And that hilariously ill-conceived bonfire dance-off jam session was unforgivably terrible.
YOGA HOSERS What the f*** has happened to Kevin Smith?!? One can’t begrudge him having a bit of fun, but the sharp dialogue, vivid characterisations and on-the-pulse pop culture relevance of his best work seem a billion years away. Yoga Hosers is a new low; as the two convenience store clerks battling weiner-Nazis (don’t ask), the director’s daughter Harley Quinn Smith and her lovely but vacuous BFF Lily Rose-Depp are the dullest heroines of the year. Not even the target audience (heavy smokers of the green stuff) could find this watchable. Smith needs to stop drinking the bong water and rediscover some kind of ambition (and keep Johnny Depp out of his films). (Editor's note: That's it, I'm out of here.)
SPIN OUT Could have been this generation’s Dimboola, but Sony’s B&S Ball-set romantic comedy proved neither romantic nor funny. The rowdy outback tradition of gathering locals together for a wild night of uninhibited partying should have been rich cinematic fodder. But directors Tim Ferguson and Marc Gracie (it took two?) capture none of the flavour of such an event; Spin Out looks like it was shot out the back of Fox Studios with a cast of Bondi millenials. Except for leading man Xavier Samuels, who is too old by ten years for this schtick. An icky drag-equals-gay subplot, a mechanically contrived denouement and an adherence to PG-level bawdiness hamstrung the film, too.
Dishonourable Mentions: THE RED PILL, THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN, AUSTRALIEN SKIES, RED BILLABONG, AAAAAAAAH!, RIDE ALONG 2, THE DO-OVER, EXPOSED, HOT BOT.
Simon Foster
